Time of your Life
by Dusha
Summary: FINALLY! NEXT CHAPTER UP! please tell me if not When something horrible happens to Gene, Jim makes the only decision he can think of. Unfortunately, it may be at the cost of his life as well. Though it says there are 3 chaps. There are 4! I checked!
1. Default Chapter

Time

Time. It was a simple enough concept. Seconds turn into minutes, which turn into hours, which turn into days, which turn into weeks, and then months, years, decades and so on. Time was a constant, unstoppable source of joy, pain, and every other human emotion. At this point in time, Jim understood just how fragile time could be. Time now seemed surreal to him, and time, along with everything else, passed without notice from him. His gaze, his mind, his feelings, his life was only concentrated on one thing right now. That one thing was his best friend, his brother-in-arms, his mentor, and his safety line: Gene. Somewhere, deep in the bowels of the Outlaw Star this man that was so much to him and everyone else, whether they chose to admit it or not, was laying still fighting for every breath to sustain him just one second, minute, hour longer. 

Truth be told, Jim was still in shock. He couldn't believe that someone had finally defeated his Aniki. Sure, he had joked many a time that 'women would be the death of him', but he never actually expected it come true. It was unreal, and Jim's subconscious would not accept what facts lay plainly in front of his face. In an effort to make himself accept the truth, Jim went through the proceedings of the previous day with horrified attention to detail. That fateful day when someone had finally been able to take down the legendary Gene Starwind. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"I am going out tonight, don't stay up for me." Gene announced jauntily to the crew of the Outlaw Star assembled at the dinner table. The reactions that he got in response were mixed. Melfina looked up in curiosity, Suzuka kept on drinking her tea, Aisha perked up, and Jim sighed.

"You've got a date or something don't you?" Jim asked. "Please don't stay out till God knows when. You know that we've got to be alert, and that's really hard when you've gotten no sleep or you're suffering from a hangover." Normally Jim would have told Gene not to go at all. Knowing that no matter what kind of warnings and threats he said that they would never sink in. Most of the time it wasn't worth the breath he put into his words. This time, however, Gene really had been stressing about the finances, the Outlaw Star, and the business for once. For that small miracle Jim figured that Gene deserved some sort of release. He just wished that it didn't have to be the kind that had to do with women.

"So what if I do?" Gene retorted. "Just leave me alone. You're just upset because I've got girls falling all over me and you don't. Aww, don't be jealous Jim! I'm sure that when you become as manly as I am the girls might come to you. Maybe." Gene laughed at the perturbed look that followed his predictions. 

"Someone actually asked you out on a date? You mean you didn't have to beg, Gene? Something's fishy here." Jim rejoined. Gene scowled, but Jim figured that it served him right. 

"My reputation precedes me. Can I help it that I'm so popular?" Gene smirked.

"Yeah, well you're popular in more ways than one. Just remember that there are people that are out to kill you Gene, and would do just about anything to accomplish it. You can't trust anyone." Jim warned.

"Are you saying you think my date is out to kill me?! I swear Jim you really are getting paranoid. I can't believe you think that my girl could put a gun to my head in the middle of a romantic dinner."

"Do you know who this girl is?" Jim demanded.

"Well…no, but that's not the point! She's not going to kill me! I'm leaving!" And with that parting remark Gene stormed out the door. 

"Have a good time!" Melfina shouted to his retreating figure. 

"Jim, you need to lighten up!" Aisha declared. "You're more serious than all of us combined, and you're the youngest. What's wrong with you?" she taunted.

"Gene's quite capable of fending for himself. I have no doubt that he will have fine time." Suzuka added.

"I hope so." Jim and Melfina said at the same time, both looking towards the door that Gene had so recently exited through.

"I've just got a bad feeling about this." Jim turned from the door and tried to shake off his ominous feeling, but instead it settled in the pit of his stomach. The uneasy feeling stayed all day, making Jim not feeling like eating, drinking, concentrating or anything else. The premonition polluted everything he tried to start working on, so when a call from Fred Lou came in later in the day, Jim feared for the worse.

"Look Fred, we don't have your money Ok? We'll call you if we can reimburse you at all." Jim didn't even bother to say hello.

"What a welcome Jim! I'm not a tax collector! Don't worry. I do have a favor that I want Gene to do for me though. May I please talk to him?" Fred smiled. 

"He's not here." Jim informed their supplier. It had been over 5 hours since Gene had left. Jim didn't know if his tardiness was from the date, his anger at Jim's paranoia, or a combination of the two. 

"Well I suppose that I could tell you, as long as you relay this to Gene. Ok, here goes. A business partner of mine to whom I owe a favor has had some trouble with his fleet of ships. Something about a mutiny or something. Anyway, he has to deliver a governmental piece of equipment to the colony of Santa Verde. It's some sort of new capital punishment device. Very lethal I'm told. Not that you'll have to worry about it. All you have to do is deliver it to the proper authorities and then go on your merry way! So, how about it?"

"I guess it sounds Ok, but I'll have to make sure it's alright with Gene. How much does it pay?"

"Well, from me you'll get 250,000 wong plus all the expenses for the ship. Whatever Santa Verde gives you is extra. I would think that since you'll get paid directly from the state treasury, it has the possibility to be a hefty sum." Fred raised his eyebrows. "Interested?"

Jim nodded enthusiastically. "I am, and I'm sure Gene will be too. Just give us in info and we'll get on it."

"Thanks Jim, you're a lifesaver, tell Gene I said hi!" Fred chirped as the transmission terminated. Jim was sure that this little jaunt would be a uncommonly boring way to earn some money to live off of, not to mention pay back Fred with. He knew that Gene might not exactly like the fact that Fred had come up with the job, but Jim didn't see any reason that Gene even had to find that out. 

"Hey Gilliam, can you contact Gene so I can tell him to get his lazy butt back in the ship so we can pick up this thing and get it delivered. I want to go and pick it up now, but I'd rather Gene know about it so that we can leave right after. For all I know he could be halfway across the planet, so by the time that I got our cargo he would still be on his way here. That moron, I swear." Jim rolled his eyes. "Sometimes I wonder why I put up with him the way I do."

"I have been able to establish a comlink with Gene. Would you like me to patch you in now, Jim?" Gilliam prepared for the expected answer.

"Yeah, put me through. I wonder how much drunk reasoning I'm going to have to do this time? I'm really not in the mood to reason with a drunkard right now. "Oh well." Jim sighed; it was a necessary evil.

"I have contact, you may proceed at your discretion." Gilliam instructed. 

Jim squared his shoulders sub-consciously and prepared to try to talk some sense into his partner. "Gene? It's Jim. I need you to come back to the ship right now. We have a good job, and it's not for chump-change, I swear. Now come back would ya?" 

"Jim! Oh God! Jim you were right! Get down here quick! I need your back up! Hurry Jim!" Gene's voice, shouting over a plethora of explosions in the background startled Jim. 

"What? Gene! What's going on?! Aniki! What's happening?!" Jim jumped into action, answering the urgency in his best friends voice. "Gilliam, track Gene's signal right now, contact Aisha, Suzuka, and Melfina if you can and tell them what's happened. I'm going on ahead. Tell Gene I'm on my way." 

"Just what is going on?" Gilliam inquired as he began to comply with the youngster's requests. "I'm sorry, but the link that I had with Gene has been severed at the source. I can't relay your message." 

_'Oh no. I knew something was going to happen today. Something bad. I just knew it! I wish I hadn't been right….' _Jim thought as he ran to his car and started it up. He fumbled briefly with the controls. He had to get a hold of himself, calm his frayed nerves, or he would be no good for his Aniki. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

By the time Jim had arrived on the scene, Gene was in a sorry condition. Bruised, broken and on the verge of death, it was a wonder that he had been able to make the call that Jim had received just a few minutes before. When Suzuka, Aisha, and Melfina arrived on the scene within seconds of Jim, they found him deep in shock. They would have undoubtedly had the same reaction, except Aisha and Suzuka decided to take out their aggressions on the few enemy warriors left. From what Jim could piece together, the girl that Gene was going to meet must have suggested that they go to a secluded spot so they could be together. Knowing how Gene thought, Jim knew that his partner would have automatically agreed. 

From there, it was anyone's guess how the fight actually started. The girl must have had at least a group of 10-15 depending on the number of still figures that lay immobile on the ground and not taking into account the number that might have run when their comrades started to fall under Gene's castor. 

The castor in and of it's self was intact, lying several feet from it's owner. When Jim moved to examine it he realized what the main inequality in the match had been. The castor was totally empty, indicating that Gene had long before run out of shells. Physical strength could only go so far against top-of-the-line guns. 

Melfina had maneuvered so Gene's head lay cradled in her lap, and as she cried, she repeated his name over and over again.

"Gene, Gene, don't leave, you made a promise. Gene, Gene, Gene…." After making short work of the remaining pirates or whoever they were, Suzuka and Aisha also had major reactions to the carnage and devastation. 

A single tear ran down Suzuka's face.

At first Aisha couldn't tell what had happened. Mel's body was shielding most of Gene, and she therefore didn't know how extensive the damage. It was only when she turned to ask Jim what the big idea was, and saw the look of a crushed soul on his face, did she understood what had really happened. 

"H-how bad is it?" she asked fearfully. Melfina looked up and gave them a teary-eyed report.

"He's alive, but just barely. I wish I knew more that I could do…" she trailed off helplessly. Jim stood up from where he had collapsed in shock only moments before and tried desperately to keep his voice as level as possible.

"We need to bring him back to the Outlaw Star. Aisha, could you do that for me?" Aisha nodded without commenting. "Then we need to find out how bad Gene's really hurt and see where to go and what to do about it. Come on, just standing around here is going to only make it worse." With out any other words exchanged between the group, they headed back to the ship in sorrow-sodden silence. No one knew what to do next, or even if there was anything they could do. 

All that Jim knew was that he was going to make sure that the credo that Gene lived by was carried out. Outlaws never go down without a fight.


	2. jim's decision

Time was not some fancy, intergalatic way to keep track of what happened when, Jim decided. Time was rather a vulture, slowly killing anyone who was foolish enough to think that they could make it across the arid desert they called life. As long as you were walking, the vultures only circled, but as soon as you fell, even a little, they swooped down for the kill. It was menacing, and had no conscience that made it realize what a terror it was. It killed without mercy, especially seeking out the weak. 

These were Jim's thoughts as he sat near his Aniki's bedside. Intermingled with thoughts of helplessness, guilt, and anger, it was the only thought that broke the horrid cycle of self-impossed admonishment and barely kept him from falling into the well of depression he was slowly digging for himself. That well was built by the knowledge that there was no way that Jim would be able to bring Gene to a hospital, and he was forced to watch as his mentor slid farther and farther away. As soon as Gene's name showed up on the medical net the people who were out to eliminate him, if there were any left, would pounce on the opportunity. 

Melfina had been crushed ever since she had realized that there was no way that she could help. When Gene had been poisoned, all she had to do was purify his system. It was like deleting a virus from a highly compex computer. The difference now was that whole chunks of the computer's main programing were missing, and she couldn't create new algorithms to save his life. She spent hours just sitting next to Gene and whispering "You promised we would always be together. You said that you wouldn't leave me. You promised, you promised, you promised...." When she wasn't doing that she walked around the ship doing what she normally did, but the quiet energy that she usually put in her tasks was gone. She would try to put on a brave front to the rest of the crew, but she was so empathic that everyone could tell it was just a facade.

Aisha was trying her hardest to keep everyone's spirits up, but even with her seemingly unending reserves of energy and bad jokes to which no one laughed, there was little she could do. Fruitlessly she attempted to stir up conversations at the few times when everyone ate, but she was met with stubborn silence. At one time, she got so exasperated she exploded, and it just happened to be to Jim.

"What's wrong with you?! I feel like I'm talking to the bulkheads! Can't you at least try to talk? It will make you feel better, I swear! I'm just trying to help!" 

"Sorry, Aisha, I just don't feel much like talking. I've got to go see if maybe..." was Jim's only response as he left Aisha, and she was left was in the uneasy feeling that if something didn't happen soon the ship would be nothing more than a grave of broken souls. She had to keep everyone's spirits up or the worst really would happen, and she couldn't allow that. With a determined look on her face she set off again.

While Aisha didn't spend much time at Gene's bedside, she figured that her time would be better spent finding a solution, Suzuka spent a surprising amount of time there. It wasn't like Melfina with her crying, but more like a vigil. She usually stood with her bokken thrust outward, as if trying to fend off the grim-reaper himself. For all the rest of the crew knew, she was. She entered the makeshift sickbay silently, and left it the same way, but it was still evident that she was hurting deeply inside. How much, none of them knew. The only thing that Gilliam barely picked up on one time was

"I won't let my family die again...."

The girls were trying every thing that they could, but with their limited cash reserves and the danger that could be lurking around ever corner on this backward planet, there wasn't much that they could do. Unknown to Jim, the girls had also realize the effect that Gene's impending death was having on Jim. They worried that they were going to end up loosing two of the most important people to them, not just one. It didn't take anything more than a glance to see the dark circles and slumped shoulders that Jim displayed. Melfina had to thrust food in front of his face and Aisha practically had to force feed him. It was as if he had lost the will to live. He was constantly at his Aniki's side, and barely registered when others entered the room. He seemed totally severed from reality.

Not only that, Melfina had pointed out when the three girls had a conference about what was happening to the youngest member of their crew, but his expression was always so distant. Even when he was looking at one of them he seemed to be in another world. If one of them looked into his eyes, all they could see was a crushed spirit. As much as any of them had become close to Gene, their relationships were as pale as Jim's complexion when compared to the bond that the two men had.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Aisha was on the bridge when the call came in. At first she didn't notice it, as she had been running impossible scenarios of saving Gene through her head over and over again, trying to find maybe something that she had missed. As much as people accused her of being insensitive, she really did care. She just liked to show it a different way. 

When she finally did notice the blinking symbol that meant that an incoming message was waiting to be read, she groaned at the interruption in her thought process and considered banging the control panel just to get it to be quiet. That was when she noticed that the transmission was for Jim. 

"Now, now, just what do we have here?" she asked curiouslyof no one in particular, since no one else was there. "A transmission from Fred Luo, to...Gene?" Obviously he hadn't heard. Making a decision quickly, she jumped out of the seat and spun around to the door. She was bolting out of the door when she caught a glimpse of Suzuka in her peripheral vision. 

"Hey Suzu! I've got to find Jim real quick! Keep an eye on the bridge would ya?" Not waiting for an answer, just assuming that no one would not comply to the requests of a Ctarl Ctarl, she was out of sight in the blink of an eye. 

Sighing, but conceding that she had nothing better to do, Suzuka strolled into the room. She cocked her head when she saw the blinking light and went over to see exactly what the transmission was. When she realized what it was she frowned. "Now just what is that Ctarl Ctarl up to? If she's actually going to give this message to Gene somehow...." Suzuka shook her head. That sounded just like something that emotional, spastic cat-girl would do. Walking much quicker than she had entering the room, she went directly to Gene's room.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The scene that greeted her there made her blink at the total oppositeness of what she had expected. Not only was the whole crew there, but Melfina and Aisha were actually smiling. Smiling! She hadn't seen that expression on any of the crew in so long that she had forgotten what it had looked like. On the view screen that lay on the table next to Gene's immobile form on the bed, Luo's eyes were in happy little creases. Suzuka walked in just soon enough to hear Jim's exhausted voice muster some semblance of energy when he said,

"Thanks Fred. I don't know what we would do without you. I'll pick up that thing right now, and then we'll be on our way. I'm really sorry I forgot about it, but...you know...." 

"Oh Jim, don't worry! I don't want Gene to die anymore than you do! You just deliver my package and I'll fix everything! See you in Santa Verde!" The screen closed silently and Jim turned to the rest of the group that had been standing behind him. 

"I've got to go and pick up that package, but I'll be right back. We have to grab this opportunity while we can." 

"I'm sorry, but would you kindly explain to me just where you are going and what that call was about?" Suzuka couldn't stand being left in the dark about things. If she was going to keep tabs on them to make sure they didn't get in any trouble, she had to know what was going on. That, and she hated to have secrets kept from her. 

Jim turned to face her directly from his vantage point directly to the right of Gene's bed, and it startled her to see a flick of light in his eyes. He had yet to smile in relief as the other two girls were, but he at least had a spark of life in him. It was something that had been seriously lacking, much to the girls chagrin, ever since this thing started. "Fred just called and said that in exchange for getting some cargo to Santa Verde, like we were going to anyway, he would make sure that Gene got the best medical care possible. He said he had some connections, and he would be able to arrange everything if we could bring that device to the capital punishment section of the government. We have a chance to save Gene now." Jim's gaze slid to his silent partner and he grabbed his hand tightly. Gene wasn't going to die now. He couldn't, now that there was a way to save him. _Gene, I swear, if you die I will hate you forever. You got that? You can't leave me, I depend on you too much. I don't care what I have to do, but you will live. You won't go without a fight because I'm going to fight for you. Count on it. _

"Capital punishment? Are you sure that it's a good idea to be carrying deadly things on our ship? No offense to you Jimmy, but even though you can pilot the Outlaw Star you're not as good as Gene. Not that he didn't almost get us killed a couple of times, but I don't want to be blown up." Aisha put forward bluntly. 

"Don't worry, it's not a bomb, or dangerous chemical or anything. I got the specs on it, and what it does is take the life force from someone. It was going to be used for medicinal purposes, but they brass of the medical world decided that it was too dangerous. The possibility that the machine would take too much life energy from one person and put in the other, basically killing one person to save another, was too high. The penitential division automatically saw this as a way to painlessly kill convicts on death row, so they've jumped on it. We need to give them the prototype, and then get Gene the medical attention he needs." Finally, as if everything that had been going on around him had finally registered in his brain, Jim allowed himself the tinniest of smiles. The girls, who had seen nothing but a shadow of their 'little brother' in the past week couldn't begin to explain what a welcome sight it was. It lifted a burden off of all of their hearts, whether they would admit that they were worried or not. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"I'm sure that with such a fine ship you won't have any problems. I can see why they got you all to truck this thing over to Santa Verde. Fast, and a grapler ship. Doesn't get much better than that. Still don't believe that you're the captain though, no offense." The contact gave Jim a searching look again. At first he wouldn't hand over the Outlaw Star's cargo, not trusting that an 11 year old could handle the job. After he met Aisha though, and knew what would happen if someone was to dissagree with a Ctarl Ctarl: it was hazardous to one's health, and saw the ship, he was quick to change his mind. 

"None taken." Jim still looked as if he was part of the walking dead, and in his conditionhe was close enough that it would be hard to tell the difference, but he was smart enough to put on a business like front for the man in front of him. "We'll get your cargo there, no problem." Aisha, who was beside Jim, was bouncing on her toes. The girls had made a pact that Jim would go no where without one of them with him. They didn't want him to do anything stupid, but in his current condition, they couldn't trust his better judgment. 

"Let's go already! We're wasting time!" she urged. To emphasize her point she gripped Jim's shoulder and began to drag him back to the ship. As much as she wanted to get underway, she also began to slow as they both actually began their trip back to the ship. This was the longest amount of time, almost 2 and a half hours, that Jim had been away from Gene. Aisha admitted that she found the uptight, nagging Jim that worried about everything under the sun because he cared about each and every one of the crew, a bit on the annoying side, but she would pay any cost to hear Jim complain about Gene's extravagant lifestyle right now. 

"Come on Aisha, I have to check on Gene." Jim quickened his pace as they passed every block. Aisha sighed, and knew that nothing less then Gene's full recovery would make Jim be well again too. No amount of her shenanigans or one liner jokes. She just hoped that Jim would never give up hope and do something drastic. It had been hard for her to imagine when Suzuka had brought it up at their meeting, but glancing over at Jim again, seeing the defeat that had returned to his eyes, Aisha understood why they had to take precautions. 

Oh well, it was Melfina's job to watch Jim next. It's not like she would have to do much work keeping track of him. As soon as they were ready they would lift off, she knew he would engage the auto-pilot and then Jim would go back to where he always did. Gene's room. Aisha just hoped they would be able to get him to eat today. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

After Jim and Aisha got back to the ship things proceeded so closely to what Aisha had predicted that she began to think that among the rest of her amazing powers, she was also becoming psychic. As soon as Jim went through the hatch he immediately bolted for Gene's room. After a brief check up on his best friend he made his way to the control room where he, with the help of Melfina, launched the ship. It's wasn't as smooth as maybe Gene would have done it, but he got the job done. When they had exited the atmosphere and Melfina had computed and laid in a course for Santa Verde, Jim put the ship on auto-pilot and left the bridge. Melfina left her chamber and proceeded to follow him. 

Melfina couldn't help but frown when she found herself outside Gene's room. Going here every waking moment and even some sleeping ones, she had found Jim sprawled out on the floor beside Gene's bed atleast twice, was killing Jim. She just wished that there was something she could do. The slight spark of hope, that she now thought that she might have imagined, she saw when Fred called seemed to have dissipated, and he didn't even seem to register that she was in the room with him. 

"Jim, you haven't eaten all day. I made some salad and sandwiches for lunch, and there's some left over. Why don't you go and have some? I'll look after Gene for you." Melfina was worried that Jim would suddenly pass out from lack of nourishment, and that wouldn't help anyone. Unfortunately, Jim didn't even seem to notice that she'd made the suggestion. 

"Please Jim, I'm really worried about you. We all are. Please at least answer me!" Melfina tried to break through the triple-reinforced concrete walls that she could see behind Jim's eyes. For his own part, Jim's gaze didn't waver for a minute as he replied,

"No."

"Jim, you're not doing any good killing yourself. How do you think we're going to get on if you keep on doing this?" In a desperate attempt to get anything out of the desolate young boy besides monosyllable answers she added, "What would Gene say?"

That certainly got a reaction. Jim spun on her, his body tense with anger, but the utter indifference in radiated from his soul through his eyes didn't change. "Gene is dying and you expect me to just drop everything and go eat!? Gene needs me, and I'm not going to leave him! This is all my fault! I knew something bad was going to happen, but did I do anything about it? No! I just let the person that means the most to me in the whole universe down. I would do anything to switch places with him. This is all my fault."

Aghast, Melfina had no idea what to say. It seemed totally illogical for Jim to feel the way he did. Guilt or no, he was purposefully doing this to himself, and she couldn't understand for the life of her why. "No, Jim, it's not that way at all. It's not your fault."

"Yes it is. Don't try to tell me otherwise. I know the truth."

"No one blames you!"

"Well I do."

There was no reasoning with the boy. Melfina's heart didn't want to leave one of her only friends in such a desolate condition, but she couldn't think of anything that would cheer him up. "You shouldn't," was her weak rejoiner.

Knowing that he had won, whether for good or ill, Jim didn't answer. He didn't need to. He knew that he was right, and that if Gene died, Jim would too. Maybe not physically, but in every other way that was important, and that was worse. There was no stopping it, and he half-way embraced the idea. Then he would know that it wasn't just Gene suffering. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It was an hour after that argument when it happened. Jim had fallen asleep out of pure exhaustion again, leaning halfway on Gene's bed and halfway sliding out the chair that he seemed to be permanently rooted to. That's when the alarm went off. Jerking up as if he had been shot, Jim looked blearily around, trying to place the sound. When he happened to glance at the monitors that displayed Gene's condition, and had until that point stayed steadily in their lower range, he gasped in horror. 

It wasn't much, but it was a noticeable drop in Gene's vital functions. Staring in disbelief at what he saw, Jim suddenly felt a surge of anger. 

"You can't leave Gene! You're stronger than this! We're going to find a way to save you! You can't leave me like this!" Pounding his small fists on the side of the bed, Jim let out of the pent up anger, frustration and sadness that he had kept so well controlled, he thought, in his heart. "I need you! The girls need you! Gene why couldn't it have been me and not you? Why!?"

There was nothing that anyone could do to help, and Jim once again had the foreboding feeling that Gene wouldn't make it until they arrived at Santa Verde. _How could I have let this happen? Why can't I just die instead? I would gladly do it, but...I don't know how I could.... Jim's eyes widened as a half formed plan flowered in his mind. No matter the cost it was worth it. He had said that he would gladly sacrifice his life for that of his partner's, and now was his chance to prove it. __This is the last thing I have to fight with Aniki. Please take it and fight like an Outlaw should. I tried to be strong, but I'm just not as good as you, you never let me down. I'm sorry...._

****Bum, bum, bum. Cue the ominous music. So what's going to happen? Do I know? Not really. Oh well, it'll be a surprise to everyone (including me). Oh, and before I forget, I don't own Outlaw Star, I just like to torture it's characters. Hmm...ok, I think I have problems... (no duh!) Thanks for reading, and please review!!! Thanks in advance! Oh, and please annoy me until I get the next part out. You know how long it took me to get out this part! I'm sanctioning you to get on my nerves, take advantage of it! Ja!

Dedicated to everyone affected by what happened on the 11th. My prayers are with you, and so are the rest of the worlds.


	3. consequences

Disclaimer: Yeah, well, Ok, so I forget this thing a lot

_Disclaimer: Yeah, well, Ok, so I forget this thing a lot. I think I have it something like every other chapter. Does anyone know if I have to put one in all the time? If so… *looks around suspiciously * I know you lawyers are hiding under the computer desk! Come out with your hands up! I've got a castor and I know how to use it! *pleads that they don't call her bluff. They don't. Grr-ing, the lawyers stalk out the door * Hehe. Anyway, I don't own OLS, so scoot on down to the story, K?_

Do you know how long it takes to make a decision? A nanosecond? No, smaller. A picosecond? No, smaller still. Whatever the speed of thought is, that immeasurable amount of time, that is how long it takes. That increment of time is what can change someone's world, or the universe at large. Never underestimate the power of a decision, because the backlash that could come from it is just as likely to help as to hurt. Then again, the ramifications of a decision are all in how you take it. What one may see as the best thing to do may seem to others as the worst kind of last resort….

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It was Suzuka's turn to watch Jim in the makeshift sickbay. Watching both man and boy intently, she could see the inner war going on in the one who was conscious. It was strange; she never realized how much she and Jim really were alike. They had both lost their families, though Jim had never volunteered how, and they had both found a new one in the crew of the Outlaw Star. Like a sentinel, she stood watch over the people that she…well…she cared about. It was hard for her to imagine, but she had to admit to herself that she would, without a second thought, lay down her life for one of these people. 

As she watched Jim's eyes shift, as if looking for an answer from the universe, she couldn't help but empathize with the boy. He had been through so much that slowly watching the vitals of his Aniki lower was a torture beyond belief. Still, he sat there and watched them, doing penance for a sin he didn't even commit. He started as he looked up at the monitors again.

"Suzuka, Gene won't make it, will he?" Jim turned his drawn face to the one person that he felt would give him a strait answer. Everyone else tried to placate him, tell him it would be Ok, tell him everything but the truth. He hoped Suzuka would be different. 

Suzuka knew what Jim wanted, but wasn't sure if she could give it to him. "I think…I think that." She hesitated, and then decided that putting a veil over the truth would only make it hurt to uncover later. "No Jim, I don't think that he will. He's going to quickly now and…" As strong as she was, Suzuka couldn't finish the rest. Not for the first time Suzuka wished that Melfina or Aisha were there to comfort the distraught boy. She had never been one that cared much about the feelings of others, but now she felt that she should be doing something to ease the pain. Unluckily for her, Melfina was on the bridge, navigating the ship to their destination, and Aisha was making sure that she wasn't alone. No one could afford to be an island at a time like this.

"Thank you, Suzuka." Jim answered tiredly. "Thank you for telling me the truth." Then, much to Suzuka's surprise, Jim stood up from his vigil in the chair next to the bed.

"And where are you going?" she asked. She was half-way frightened of the answer, something she had been precious few times in her life, but she still had to know.

"I'm going to be right back. I just can't sit still any longer. I'm going to see if I can figure out how our cargo works." Jim began to wring his hands tightly together, "I just can't do nothing." 

Suzuka nodded, understanding fully that this may help release some of his feelings of helplessness. "I will help you." She stated. Even if this was a ploy to leave her and be by himself, it wouldn't work.

With a shrug that was so uncharacteristic of Jim at a time like this, he replied coldly, "Do what you want." What Suzuka wanted, along with everyone else in the ship, was for Gene to miraculously heal, and for Jim to smile again. She wanted all of them to smile again. Still, knowing that what she wanted was impossible, she settled for following Jim out of the door towards where they had stored their cargo.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Aisha, do you think that Jim is alright?" Melfina projected from her tank. Aisha was sprawled out in her usual seat, to the left of where Gene usually sat, and started at the bio-androids question.

"Well, it's hard to say with humans. Jim's a tough little cookie, I'm sure he'll make it through." Even as the words came out of her mouth, she could hear her own uncertainty in them.

"You don't really believe that do you?" Melfina's voice held a tinge of fright.

"Um…look Mel. Jim won't be the same after this. Even a strong Ctarl-Ctarl wouldn't, but I know that he will make it through somehow." _'Either that or he'll do something drastic,'_ Aisha thought. Just the thought of it brought a shiver to cover her. 

"I hope you're right Aisha. I know I will never be the same." Melfina looked on the brink of tears. In one of her rare philosophical moments, Aisha answered,

"None of us will."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It had been almost an hour since Suzuka had help lug the 10 pound piece of machinery up to Gene's room. Ever since then Jim had been tinkering away at it, while Suzuka could only watch. Every time Gene's vitals dropped, even the slightest bit, Jim seemed to have a sixth sense about it. He would look up, frown, look at his partner sadly, and return to his work. Suzuka wished for a reprieve from the cloud of oppression that was blanketed in the room, but with everyone else doing something just as essential as she was, there was no way that she could leave Jim alone.

"Jim, you haven't eaten in almost 24 hours. Why don't you take a break and find something?" Suzuka asked softly. She didn't mean to intrude on his hard work, but his health had to come first. Getting your mind off of something horrifying was one thing, starving yourself was quite another.

"I'm not hungry," was Jim's repetitive reply. Every time she had asked before, she had gotten the same answer. Dragging the youngster to the kitchen was not something that she took pride in, but she knew she would do it if she was forced. That was one of the only threats that actually got through to Jim these days.

"That is quite impossible. You're body needs more than just water and whatever Melfina, Aisha and I can force down your throat. You will go have something to eat." She stated bluntly. Jim looked up at her with eyes as wide and blue as the sky. 

"I can't leave him Suzuka. What if something happens while I'm gone?" He looked so anxious and alone that a motherly instinct that Suzuka didn't even know she had welled up in her. She suppressed it. 

"I will stay to make sure that nothing happens." She tried to keep her voice steady.

"It's not the same. Why don't you go and get something and I stay here?" Jim asked. At one point in time Suzuka would have taken out her bokken and dueled with someone who thought that she should do such a lowly thing. Now though, it didn't even occur to her. As she mulled it over, she couldn't help but consider the fact that Jim might be trying to get rid of her. Even as the idea flitted in her mind, she couldn't brush it away. Reasonably she told herself that Jim would never do something as drastic as her mind came up with while she was gone. These were not reasonable times though, and Jim was no longer a reasonable person. 

"I don't think I can do that Jim," she closed her eyes, unaware of how Jim would take this information. 

"You don't trust me." Jim's voice held no condemnation, but when Suzuka opened her eyes she found herself unable to meet the younger bounty hunter's eyes. "You think I'm going to commit suicide or something don't you?"

Having put it finally into the open Suzuka found that once again she could not lie. "Yes. That is something that all of us have been worried about."

"That makes sense." Hearing Jim say that, in such a nonchalant tone made her stare. It also didn't reassure her at all. "Still, you don't have to worry, you have my word."

Suzuka had never heard Jim give his word to anyone, and wasn't quite sure what it entailed. Even so, here your word was your bond. "Alright, but you must promise that you will stay here."

"I do."

"And I will hurry back." 

"Alright."

"Goodbye, Jim."

"Goodbye."

Suzuka left and Jim made his final preparations.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It wasn't until she got back that she realized her fatal mistake. Not fatal to her, but to another. She had warmed up some of the leftover soup that Melfina had made over a week ago and they had been surviving on ever since. As she brought in the tray to what was now Jim's personal prison, she stopped short. The tray clattered to the floor, soup splattering everywhere.

"Gilliam! Call Aisha and Melfina down here right now! This is an emergency!" Suzuka yelled at the ships main computer while dodging the various pieces of furniture that scattered in the room as she rushed in. 

"What is the problem Suzuka?" Gilliam inquired. He had already notified all personnel on the bridge, but one thing that he was allowed in his programming was curiosity about what was going on inside the ship. 

"Just tell them!" Suzuka commanded, very unlike herself. In normal high-stress circumstances she kept a level head, but this was a notable exception. 

When she had entered the room, the first thing she had noticed was that Jim lay partially collapsed at the head of Gene's bed. Half of him was slowly slipping off the chair, while the upper half lay sideways on the mattress. At first she had thought that Jim had simply been keeping watch when he fell asleep. It was a second later when she picked up on the blinking lights and soft, purr-like humming of the device next to him. With a start she remembered when Jim was trying to explain what the device did.

_"It transfers the life force from one person to another, almost as if it were some kind of gas that keeps the human body working. In a way it is. This apparatus conducts that energy like a pump from one person to another. How it does it I don't really know, but it really is amazing. I wish I could find out how something like this was imagined." Jim explained simply._

_ _

_"Could it be harmful?" Suzuka had asked._

_ _

"Not really, I'm sure there's a safety that makes sure that someone doesn't give to much life energy. What would be the point if it didn't?" He had answered quickly, to quickly in retrospect. 

It was then that Aisha skidded into the doorway, followed by an anxious looking Melfina. 

"What's wrong?! What happened?!" Aisha bounded into the room. Suzuka ignored her; since she was busily try to cut the flow of energy. She noticed a band around both Jim and Gene's arms, as if they were getting their blood pressure taken. Following the phosphorescent blue tubes that led from both of them too the machine, she immediately deducted the purpose they served. 

"I don't have time to talk. Melfina, I need you to get that thing off of Gene's arm, right now." Suzuka emphasized the last two words. Silently Melfina rushed toward the bed and struggled with the band. Her eyes were tearing as she began to realize the implications of the situation, and with one last desperate tug she ripped the band from his arm. 

Suzuka had done the same to Jim not 2 seconds earlier and she had noticed that the glowing, blue 'wires' were actually tubes that carried the life force: Jim's life force. Aisha had finally put two and two together and her ears drooped as she asked softly,

"Are they Ok?" It took Suzuka every ounce of courage to put her fingers to Jim's neck to look for a pulse. 

"Huh? What's going on?" A deeper voice asked this time and all three girls couldn't help but turn to the source. It was if they were all puppets that were on the same rod. 

"Gene! But that means…." Melfina couldn't finish the statement; her voice at one time so beautiful now only conveyed pain. Gene didn't wait for an answer, 

"Hey, what's wrong with Jim. Hey Jim! Wake up there buddy!" he reached over strongly and messed up Jim's hair, thinking the annoyance would rouse his partner. It was only when Gene touched his young protégé that he realized how cold the young boy seemed. He looked at Suzuka, "What happened…?"

"I…." It was to no avail. Suzuka couldn't answer.

"No…" Gene couldn't take the implications of the silence. Awareness of what had happened to him, and what Jim must have done though he had no idea how, crashed down on him unrelentingly. He shook his younger partner. "Jim! Jim! Jim…!" 

_*cringes * so what happens next? Is Jim dead? That's what I can't decide. You'll have to tell me what you want, or it'll be up to fate. (In other words, I'll flip a coin.) Please don't hurt me for leaving you hanging, but I need help with where you want me to go! The only way I'll know what you want is if you review or e-mail me ([trekkie606@aol.com][1]) until the next chapter…ja!_

   [1]: mailto:trekkie606@aol.com



	4. the crew's decision

Arthur Radun Arthur Radun 3 13 2001-11-08T23:02:00Z 2001-11-08T23:08:00Z 2 2229 12710 Radun Research Laboratory 105 25 15608 9.3821 6 pt 6 pt 0 

                Aisha pawed at Gene as he began to shake his younger partner harder and harder. He didn't realize what he was doing; the only thing he knew in his mind was fear at the state of his best friend. 

                "You're not helping, Gene!" Aisha forcefully grabbed his arm and with the might of her Ctarl-Ctarl heritage, pulled him away from Jim. Hesitantly Melfina moved over to where Jim was still slumped halfway on and halfway off the bed. While Aisha and Suzuka were occupied with keeping Gene from letting his emotions get the best of him, she struggled with Jim's small body and positioned him on the bed. Panting softly at her exertion, she pulled up the covers so that they were neatly tucked under Jim's chin. 

                "Mel...." Gene calmed noticeably when he saw the manner with which Melfina treated Jim. Like a boy, no, more like a son. Relaxing against Suzuka and Aisha, each of which had pinned one of Gene's arms to the wall, he realized how useless his outburst had been.

                "He-he's just cold. I thought I would keep him warm." Melfina couldn't look into Gene's eyes until he swiftly released himself from Aisha and Suzuka's relaxed grip and moved to tilt her head to see her face. 

                "I know. He would have appreciated it." He still had no idea of the details of what had happened but he decided with Melfina, having the compassionate heart that she did, she wouldn't be the one to ask. Her eyes were already brimming at the edges and he couldn't bear to see them overflow. "Why don't you go get me something to eat? I'm really hungry since I've been out for so long." 

                Knowing that Gene had the ulterior motive of getting her out of the room, and oddly touched by his worry for her, Melfina complied. "All right." As if she couldn't stand what had happened in the room any more, she fled. His face a mixture of confusion, sorrow, and the lingering lines of anger, Gene spun on the two other women.

                "What the hell happened? I know that I was not doing good. I could almost hear you through all this fog-like around me. I remember Jim: he was crying all the time. I wanted to tell him to stop getting me wet, ya know, to cheer him up, but I couldn't. Now our places have reversed and I don't know how." Gene was not one that liked to admit that he didn't know something, but right now he didn't care how childish he sounded. He just wanted, needed, to know what was going on. 

                "Well, ya see Gene," Aisha started. It didn't help her to know that she was immortal, talking about other people's lack thereof still made her squirm. "Your girlfriend kinda tried to kill ya. In fact, she did a good job of it. We brought you back to the ship and you kept on getting worse and worse. Jim, well, he wouldn't leave ya, and he felt like you being hurt was somehow his fault. Me, Suzu, and Mel tried to snap him out of it, and well...." she trailed off. The next part she wasn't ever totally clear on. Suzuka picked up where she left off,

                "We were going to drop off a machine that transferred life-force to a planet when you took a turn for the worse. Even though from this delivery we would have had enough money to save you, it seemed like we would not make it in time. Jim, realizing this, took action and gave you some of his life force."

                "And that's why he's, the way he is." Gene concluded correctly. "Dammit! I can't believe he did that! Can you change it back?"

                "Why the heck would you want to do that?" Aisha stared in disbelief at the scarred man in front of her. 

                "To save his life of course!" Gene was in no mood to deal with Aisha, his heart broken in two over what his partner had done. 

                "You would tarnish his sacrifice like that?!" Aisha sneered at Gene. The Ctarl-Ctarl had a strong code of honor, and to debase someone's honor was one of the harshest transgressions that someone could do against another person. People were still exiled from the empire for that. "He had a depth of devotion to you that was so deep that he sacrificed his life for you, and willingly so. Why would you want to belittle his gift to you like that?"

                Gene had never heard Aisha speak that passionately about something so philosophical like that before. It startled him right to the core of his heart when he realized exactly what she was saying. "No, I'm not trying to do that. I-I just don't want him to die." Gene didn't even want to think about what would happen if his friend left him forever. 

                "You have to be prepared for that." Suzuka told him, her voice sounding exceptionally cold compared to the passion in Aisha's. Staring at her in disbelief Gene asked softly,

                "So you think that Aisha's right?" An old part of Aisha surfaced and before Suzuka could answer. She piped up,

                "Well of course I'm right!" Ignoring her, Suzuka stayed in the mood by saying,

                "I think that you should do everything you can to save Jim, but if you can't, you should take what he has given you in the spirit that he meant for it." Stopping the conversation from traveling down the road of depression that it was quickly turning down, Melfina peeked her head around the corner of the door. Voice still laden with pain and sorrow, she softly announced,           

                "You can come get something to eat now Gene. It's ready." Gene glanced towards the door, grateful for her intrusion, but before he left he turned to address the two who had just given him advice. 

                "Make no mistake, I will not let Jim die. But," his voice nearly faltered, but stubbornly he didn't allow it to, "I don't think I ever understood before how much Jim really cared about me. I just hope that he knows that I won't give up on him any more than he did me. I'm not going to undo what he did, but God knows I'm not just going to stand by and let this happen."

                "No one would expect you to." Suzuka nodded sagely at the truth that he told, and Aisha smiled.

                "We fought for you, and we will for Jim. You just see! I'm sure we can figure something out, if we all work together!" Hoping her optimism would rub off on the others, she bounded after the retreating couple. Leaving Suzuka alone with the gray-tinged, shivering, young boy.

                Knowing that she alone, she walked over to his bedside, and looked down at his slack, unmoving face. His mouth was slightly turned in a grimace and now that there was no mask to cover his face she could read between the lines and see the pain that he was in. Before she realized what she was doing, she reached down to touch is cherubic cheek. 

                _"You will live, because your family here will not let it be any other way." Disturbed by the coldness of his face she pulled her hand back. A gesture like that was so uncharacteristic of her, but she couldn't help but feel like a part of this family that was the crew. In a moment of unguarded emotion for both Suzuka and Jim, she realized that she couldn't go through the pain of loosing a little brother again. _

                "I wonder if the others feel the same as I?" she mused aloud, unaware of how much her feelings were mirrored in the souls of everyone else.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

                Aisha sat at her usual station on the bridge of the Outlaw Star, staring despondently into the star field that was projected on the front screen.

                "It's not fair." she complained to the universe at large. Despite how much she had prayed to the Gods of Ctarl they had not answered her prayer the way she had wanted. She knew it was halfway treasonous, but she felt like she could stay forever with these people. They had accepted her idiosyncrasies in a way that she would never had expected, and in a way that no one else ever had before. 

                "I can't stand to loose one of them." She tried to reason with the powers that be, but she was painfully aware that they might not be listening. "Especially poor little Jimmy." She had the guts to admit it, to herself. If someone had told her earlier in her life that she would have become attached to an 11 year-old human she would have scoffed at them. Now though, she knew that she appreciated how he differed from her and also in the way that he always tried to hide how he was the same. He was like the playful, overly serious little baby that she had never had in her family. 

                She knew that she would do anything to save Jim's life, but she also wasn't going to break her own credo to Gene and try to tarnish what Jim had done. She would dare undo what he did, though what he had done surprised even her. Used to situations rapidly coming upon her without any warning, she hadn't expected such bravery from someone so young. She had to admit, she hadn't given these humans much credit when she met them but Gene, and especially Jim, had changed her mind.

                "I don't know what I did to the universe, but I'm sorry!" She burst out to the confines of the room. No one could hear her though, and matter what she said, it wouldn't change anything. The time for negotiations with whatever beings that controlled fate were over, action had to be taken.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

                Gene sat silently at the table, the only sound that filled the small kitchen coming from him slurping his soup from his spoon. Melfina looked around, over and over again, looking anywhere than at Gene's eyes. She was frightened at what she would see there. She didn't know exactly what it was that she feared that she would see: maybe inconsolable sadness again, hatred at her for not doing something, the lost soulless look that had haunted Jim's face, she couldn't decide.

                As she glanced somewhere beyond Gene's right shoulder, she realized that he was trying to catch her gaze. Forcefully she faced her fear and looked up. What she saw in his eyes wasn't something that she listed. It was a bone deep sense of loss. One that, to her, meant that he feared that Jim was already gone. As if he had been reading her thoughts only a moment before, he remarked,

                "I don't blame you or anyone else Mel. I know Jim better than any of you, no offense, and I know that once his mind was set on this there was no way that you could have stopped him. He's like a, no he is, my little brother. I'm connected to him as if he were mine and though he would never admit it I think he feels the same way. If he didn't then he wouldn't have done what he did." Finishing his emotional spill, he smirked an attempted pitifully to lighten the mood. "Now that I've confessed everything to you, you know I have to kill you."

                Not noticing the joking manner of his remark Melfina's eyes widened. "What?"

                "Just kidding. Mel, Jim wanted it this way. If he knew that you would feel this badly about it then he might have thought twice, but he didn't so don't make it worse."

                "I'll try, it's just..." Melfina trailed off as she often did when she was exploring uncharted territory in her more human side. "Gene, you and Jim were the first two people that I ever met. Jim was the first person to ever show kindness to me and the first person to ever get me anything just to be nice. He's so sweet and everything that I wish that I could be. He told me one day that he thought of me as a mother. You don't know what kind of effect that had on me."

                Though he didn't say so, Gene did have and inkling of the feeling she was talking about. The same feeling had come to him the first time Jim had blushingly called him "Aniki." Gene almost felt that he was intruding on the privacy of Jim's innermost thoughts, since despite being loud and annoying at some points, Jim actually very rarely talked about his innermost feelings. 

                "Don't worry Mel. I won't let anything happen to him." The conviction in his voice was something that he didn't feel in his heart, but it was worth deceiving himself to see the look of happiness on Melfina's face.

                "Really, Gene? You really mean that?" She looked into Gene's eyes, her's glistening with hope. Even if he didn't believe the outcome was going to be something that would be positive, Gene couldn't bring himself to crush Melfina's hopes.

                "Of course, with you and me willing to do anything for him, how could he die?" As soon as the last word left his mouth, he knew that it was not the right wording.

                "I don't want him to die Gene. I would do anything to stop it." Melfina reverted back to her scared, fragile self. 

                "Me too." Gene acceded. With nothing more to say, Gene finished off his bowl in near silence. Though Melfina had left the room, he could still hear her tears through the opened door from the other side.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

                No one knew how it happened, but at exactly 11:11 every person that was on the Outlaw Star could be found in the room where Jim lay. Melfina and Gene had been the last two to trickle in, but somberly they had not been surprised when they found Aisha and Suzuka there.

                "So what are we going to do?" Never one to beat around the bush, Aisha was the first to pose the dreadful question.

                "There's only one thing that we can do, right Gene?" As much as the crew might berate Gene for his 'on-the-fly' attitude, even Suzuka deferred to his better judgment when it came to things such as Jim. Gene sighed,

                "So you've come to the same conclusion that I have huh? That means that it's unanimous. Let's get to it." With movements that obviously showed that he wasn't enthusiastic with the course of action that they had chosen, Gene picked the machine that had caused the latest catastrophe and set it on the table near the young boy's bed. 

                "I'll make sure that you all don't give to much energy." Melfina assured them. Being a bioandroid she really didn't have life force, but she was determined to help in some way. Any other way that she could think of. She couldn't bear the thought that she couldn't help the crewmember that had treated her so...human. Jim was like a son to her, if she had ever had one. She didn't know what mothers were like, but Gene had told her more than once that she acted like Jim's and so had Jim himself. She often wondered what that meant. Now she knew close to what it was. 

                "Jim will pull through this because we all love him too much." She didn't mean to blurt it out. Love was not a word that the crew used since they never spoke of their feelings openly unless they had no other choice. 

                No one contradicted her. 

                Melfina put a hand on Gene's shoulder as he hooked himself up to the demonic apparatus and he turned to her with the slightest of smiles. "Hey, it'll work. With me, Aisha and Suzuka all giving some of our life to Jim, there's no way he could stay out of it."

                "Especially with mine!" Aisha pounced on the edge of the bed to pear intently at the pale contorted face of the youngest crewmember. "I can't wait to see what a little Ctarl-Ctarl energy will do to 'im." 

                Suzuka stood silently at the far edge of the bed, but she was clearly prepared. "I suggest that we start this before we have any second thoughts." she urged them on. Not that she was having any, and she knew no one else was either. 

                Gene gave a short stiff nod. "Let's get moving."

~~~ok, well here it is. Sorry it took me sooooo long to get this out, but my friend has been driving me insane (we're having this huge argument that stems from this: can a fictional character not be affected by time? Can they decide whether or not they want it to be a constant? Can they make it simply not pertain to them? I say no, she says yes. The answer is no dagnbbit! Oh, and sorry for Gene's little bout of French, I just thought it sounded right there, so for you faint of heart I'm sorry. Well, till next time, have fun!~~~


End file.
